Sharing a bed with your kids – yay or nay?

If you are looking to start a debate on your next evening out, simply ask out loud “What do you think about co-sleeping?”. You will definitely start a conversation, as nearly everyone has an opinion on the subject, whether they have children or not.

In Western culture it can still be perceived as a taboo, and there are two loud voices, either for or against letting your kids sleep in bed with you, or letting your kids sleep in bed with each other.

In an interview with Kim Constable, on This Morning show featured on ITV titled Mother Shares a Bed with Her Children, she shared her family’s co-sleeping situation. With much happiness, she described how it works for them – a large bed, comprised of three beds next to each other, different bed times, etc. Kim firmly believed that she was doing the best for her family, that her kids were independent, close with each other and trusting of their parent.

The psychologist in the interview, Anjula Mutanda, states that “…the long-term effects can be chronic and behavioral insomnia is a problem for a lot of children. And it can affect them in terms of concentration, memory, fatigue… and it can make them clingy as well.” Then goes on to say that children suffer from not developing a sense of resilience, self-reliance, at the same time having difficulties adjusting to sleeping outside the family bed, such as going to sleepovers.

However, many studies show that her (mis)information couldn’t be further from the truth.

Early dependence creates early independence.

Just ask another family that has gone through the whole co-sleeping routine. When children feel safe and secure at a young age, they will come to you with their questions and concerns, they will look you in the eye and tell you what is on their mind, rather than opting for the trust of a stranger.

You are their security blanket, day and night! Rather than encouraging dependency, you are in fact responding to your children’s needs and giving them a chance to develop a sense of trust, which will come in handy later in life. And when they are ready to jump ship, they will let you know that they are ready to be on their own, at least to give it a go.

Bottom line? Trust your instincts. You know what feels right for you as a parent. You know your child and their behavior better than any doctor. Think about it, people have co-slept for hundreds of years, if not in the same bed, then in the same room, or the same hut, with multiple generations in the same house.

From the standpoint of a natural parent, I say sleep together if it promotes harmony within the family unit. Go to bed together, wake up together, have separate covers, do whatever it takes to make life work out in your favor. There is no better comfort for a child than to be immediately taken care of in the night, no matter what the situation.

Some families may also choose to co-sleep for more practical reasons. Perhaps they can only afford a one-bedroom apartment and their budget does not allow them to upsize, maybe their ecological principles shift their focus to a smaller home where rooms are shared instead of offering a room to each child. Or, parents may choose a life where they would like kids to share everything, from their bed to their toys. In a world where we over-consume, it may not be a bad thing that we are sharing all what we own and teaching our children to do it too.

So, money/income can be a deciding factor in co-sleeping, but it is by no means the only way to choose your sleeping habits. If you really want to give co-sleeping a try, do it, see how it feels, you are not hurting anyone by doing so.

If you choose to sleep separately, you can only judge yourself if you roll over in bed and choose to ignore your children’s requests in the night. If you want to give your child the best chance to become a well-balanced, confident adult, then consider a few years, or more, of sleeping together, so that they are set with independence needed for the rest of their lives.

In the life of a co-sleeping family, there are no shut doors, just warm, open hearts in a great, big bed.

Further reading: http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/five-benefits-cosleeping/