Try Being a Stay-at-Home Dad!

Part 1: All The Stereotypes

You’d think that with the increasing percentage of fathers choosing to stay at home, quadrupling from 5% in 1989 to 21% in 2012, that we’d have a better handle on this situation by now! Unfortunately, that’s just not the case. Stay-at-home dads have some pretty steep hills to climb solely by virtue of their gender, making their choice to be the primary caregiver for their children a constant battle of stereotypes, resources, and dignity that most people are completely oblivious to. In this series, we’ll take a look at the unique challenges faced by stay-at-home dads and hopefully raise awareness about their contributions to the larger picture.

Let’s start by dispelling some crucial myths that surround the dads in the house.

1. Stay-at-home dads are burnouts, bums, and losers.

Seriously folks, it’s 2017! We’ve fought this myth about stay-at-home moms being lazy, soap opera binging, bon-bon eating, chardonnay guzzling, yoga pant wearing monsters with zeal. So, why are we not giving our devoted stay-at-home dads the same passionate defense? Why aren’t we respecting our dad’s CHOICE to raise their children instead of assuming it’s a de facto responsibility foisted on them because they are incapable of getting a “real job”? Let’s not forget that the 16% increase mentioned above is exclusively related to those dads who chose to stay at home and does not include those who were at home due to disability or unemployment.

2. Stay-at-home dads need supervision.

   

There is a long standing stereotype in our society that dads are ditzes when it comes to parenting; that without mom around to watch his every move, he will manage to obliterate all children within a 100 foot radius with a single swoop through pure parenting ignorance. Has it dawned on you that the same books moms are reading, the same doctors moms are seeing, and the same people moms are talking to are all capable of translating into man language? Or maybe, just maybe, dads develop their own parenting instinct just like moms? I know, it’s an absurd thought! Why would we, a society which has fought valiantly for women to be seen as competent and intelligent beings, assume that this road goes both ways?

3. Stay-at-home dads don’t fulfill nurturing and bonding needs.

This is as outdated as the saying “Real men don’t cry”. Not only is it viable that both parents participate in bonding time and serve as nurturers, but it is extremely vital! In fact, in a recent study by Emory University, Dr. James Rilling states that their “findings add to the evidence that fathers, and not just mothers, undergo hormonal changes that are likely to facilitate increased empathy and motivation to care for their children”. The days of distant dads and smothering mothers are gone and we should let the unabashed stereotypes of that era die alongside it. Whether it’s feeding time with a newborn or comforting a toddler who’s scared of the dark, a child needs to bond with both parents. Neither parent is more adept than the other at bonding and nurturing – assuming so forges a loss for our children that can’t be replaced.

4. Stay-at-home dads are a bad example for children.

If breaking down gender bias and perpetuating the belief in equal partnership and co-parenting is a bad example for our children, then we need to take another look at our priorities. Stay-at-home dads model behavior that creates respectful, responsible children who understand teamwork and won’t relegate people to roles based on their gender. I can’t think of a better example to set for the leaders of tomorrow, can you?